Cult(ure) of Macworld: The Keynote

Super Pass

San Francisco at four in the morning: The streets are, for the most part, empty -- a refreshing change of pace from the usual bumper-to-bumper traffic slowly blaring its collective horn through downtown. The air is crisp. (This doesn't mean it's particularly cold -- not for anyone who has ever experienced a midwestern winter before, anyway.) The morning papers are still being delivered, and the entryways to buildings are occasionally occupied by those seeking temporary shelter from another night on the street.

THE LINE

On Keynote Eve, the following "important announcement" was read to those attending the Creative Suite 3 conference session: "The line for the Keynote Address will begin forming at 4 AM."

The audience groans.

What this means is anyone's guess -- lines had began to form on Monday night for an event that wouldn't occur until early in the morning on Tuesday. Tents were pitched, and the coveted "first in line" position was claimed in each of the lines at a ridiculously early hour. Platinum and Super Pass badge holders were to queue up in a separate "priority" line, meaning that a seat during the Keynote would be guaranteed. Those holding general admission badges carried only a 50/50 shot of attendance, and this meant a line which dwarfed that of the priority attendees.

4 AM: A small line had already formed, stretching back from the same doors of Moscone West that had signified the start of the line for badge pickup on Monday. The end of this line appeared to be designated by a sign which read: "Platinum and Super Pass Keynote Line Starts Here."

The sign was facing the front entrance of Moscone West and didn't say anything at all on the back side. What appeared to be the end of the line was stalling out at a sign declaring the beginning of the line.

So:

Sit down. No one speaks up or objects. Inquire about the fact that people have cameras despite having been told that cameras would not be permitted. Damn. Consider walking back to the hotel with the risk of losing what appears to be a 20th (or so) position in line to procure camera. Decide to do without.

At some point, one or two people also chose to park their gear at the "end" of the line. Once again: No objections from anyone else in line. Several others attempt to do so only to be told that their "general admission" passes would mean standing in a much longer line, just around the corner. It's a dirty, smug job, but no one seemed to mind doing it.

5 AM: The supposed start of the line appears to be growing longer and it soon becomes apparent that showing up at 4 AM only to end up situated directly behind a group of people who arrived at 10 PM on the previous night probably means that a mistake has been made. It also means that the actual end of the line had gotten significantly farther away, a development obscured by the aforementioned "the line starts here" sign which was facing, it was now apparent, in the wrong direction.

Two options: 1) Sulk away to the end of the line, which was now 200 or so people longer than it had been upon arrival or 2) berate the former first place occupants for not speaking up about the mistake and stay put.

Option number one wasn't really ever an option.

STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT

Standing in line at Macworld (something attendees do a lot of over the course of a week) is an experience not unlike standing in line at the grand opening of an Apple Retail Store: A large group of people spanning various social, economic, racial, geographical and age groups manage to find something to talk about due, in part, to a shared common interest.

There was, of course, the expected idle banter about expectations: Essentially, blather about what Steve will or won't introduce during his presentation. Two or three hours in, that obvious topic began to wear thin and people started to inquire about each other's professions, interests, etc.

It's at this point that apologies for the line misunderstanding were offered, no hard feelings were expressed, and trust began to kick in, out of desperation: Attendees would leave behind expensive hardware with complete strangers in order to make a coffee run, with nothing more than the promise of a hot beverage as collateral.

Those intent upon perpetuating a diabolical side to the cult of mac will be disappointed to learn that Vista and even Microsoft in general weren't really the topic of derision, even if they were occasionally a topic of interest. The most common commentary: "I'm dual-booting XP (or Vista) with Bootcamp" and "Numbers is an okay application, but I still need to use Excel for more serious work."

ROLE CALL

Stereotypes of the smug Mac user aside, the front of the priority line was diverse in just about every sense of the word: One medic from London, a college student with a tendency to make awkward comments, one graphic designer from Kansas City with an apparent propensity for cutting in line, the crew from macrumors.com (planning to live-update during the Keynote), one annoying woman with a camcorder and an uncanny knack for asking dumb questions, someone affiliated with the Disney theme parks, and the two young men at the front of the line who had arrived the previous night, one of whom didn't even have a badge which would admit him into the Keynote. (He hoped to slip in unnoticed but did not manage to do so.)

The Londoner turned out to be a great conversationalist -- he was incredibly well read, the Graphic Designer was not -- and was captivated, or maybe horrified, when told of the recent debates over intelligent design in Kansas and Pennsylvania. The crew from mac-rumors were vocal about their ability to provide better live coverage than Engadget, despite the fact that Engadget's correspondents were provided Keynote media passes.

Better or not, they were impressive: Armed with an internet-ready MacBook Pro and a prosumer digital camera, a two-man team was able to tag team the duty of updating the macrumors.com coverage as Steve Jobs ticked off his slate of announcements. One typed out the updates as the other snapped photos, and -- it has to be said -- live updating with the crutch of a media pass just isn't as impressive as doing the same thing from the middle of the auditorium, over the heads of probably 5000 shifting attendees.

THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR

Between 7:30 and 9:30, the line moved several times, as the attendees were marched like cattle up a series of escalators and around the massive auditorium inside Moscone West. At one point, the line stalled and was passed by a series of VIP guests, including (but not limited to) Sinbad (Really? Sinbad still commands VIP status?) and one young woman so full of herself that she felt the need to blow a mocking kiss to what (she probably thought) was a crowd filled with geeks not familiar with the mysterious ways of beautiful women. It's a little known fact that your average Mac geek will not stoop to desiring a VIP who stands in line behind Sinbad; the pecking order needs to move in the opposite direction, and one hopes she felt better about herself afterwards.

(Truth be told, almost no one seemed to know who Sinbad was, even after repeated attempts to recall his career.)

Finally, sometime around 9:00, the line was ushered into the auditorium. Thirty minutes later, thousands of camera flashes later, Steve Jobs walked onto the stage and the crowd, as they say, went wild.

Attending the Keynote in person for the first time after having viewed them (at best) over a satellite feed or (at worst) the next day over a streaming internet feed is an altogether different experience. The anticipation could be cut with a knife and feet begin to fidget each time Jobs builds to an expected (or hoped for) announcement. When the announcement comes, there are two types of applause: 1) Thunderous and prolonged or 2) polite and reserved. The former points to a successful pitch (HD rentals) and the latter points to disappointment ($1.00 premium for HD rentals). The audience is forgiving -- and quick to forget -- but even Jobs' famed Reality Distortion Field can't compensate for a bum feature when it is announced.

Jobs seemed to make a lot of speaking mistakes, referencing Tiger instead of Leopard at one point, inverting figures in a pie chart (1.3 instead of 3.1) and so on. Perhaps this is always the case and seeing the event live only made the gaffs that much more obvious, but the reality certainly ran counter to his reputation as a perfectionist. Still, even with one technology issue (a Flickr set that wouldn't load) Jobs has learned to handle pressure with grace, at least while still in front of his crowd.

The Keynote was packed with product introductions, and this meant that the hoped-for "there is just one more thing" was not to be. Instead:

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MR. RANDY NEWMAN

The Keynote almost always ends with a musical act, usually a young pop star who has either found popularity through iTunes or mainstream success. Feist was a popular guess, but in lieu of "one more thing" Jobs instead surprised the audience with Randy Newman. Those who aren't intimately familiar with Newman's catalogue are probably familiar with his voice nonetheless and as likely as not, know it because of his relationship with Pixar over the years. Because of that connection to Steve Jobs, the obvious choice would be to pull solely from his Pixar catalogue. Instead, he launched directly into a scathing indictment of the the Bush administration in a cynical take on the future of the United States as a world leader.

From A Few Words in Defense of Our Country:

A President once said,
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself"
Now it seems like we're supposed to be afraid
It's patriotic in fact and color coded
And what are we supposed to be afraid of?
Why, of being afraid
That's what terror means, doesn't it?
That's what it used to mean

The audience was certainly with Newman up through this verse, applauding loudly as he belted out these condemnations in his trademark raspy drawl -- half spoken, half sung.

You know it pisses me off a little
That this Supreme Court is gonna outlive me
A couple of young Italian fellas and a brother on the Court now too
But I defy you, anywhere in the world
To find me two Italians as tightass as the two Italians we got
And as for the brother
Well, Pluto's not a planet anymore either
The end of an empire is messy at best
And this empire is ending
Like all the rest

At this point, the applause was still there, but a sense of surprise was also hanging over the crowd, perhaps due to the increasingly overt political nature of the lyrics. A select few weren't clapping much anymore, if at all, and a song which started off with a silly wink, became more serious than most were likely expecting. The sobering effect was apparent on a crowd still buzzing from the high of several new product announcements.

At which point Newman launched into You've Got a Friend in Me.

THE AFTERMATH

At this point, every major media outlet has beaten the newly released products to death. No replaceable battery in the MacBook Air (overheard: "So much for no concessions.") no HD downloads unless you have an Apple TV, etc.

The fact of the matter is, everyone is talking about the Keynote. In a crowded hotel elevator the Bellboy inquires after noting a Macworld badge. The women he's helping to their room chime in to ask questions of their own. They exit at their floor and an elderly gentleman wants to know about the lack of an optical drive and is impressed when informed about the ability to "borrow" one from another computer.

In the end, Macworld isn't about elitism, or about a holier than thou attitude. It's a chance to get together with a massive group of people in order to share that one common interest -- and in doing so, discover that uncommon interests may as well be shared as well.

What else is there to do in the middle of the night, while standing in line?

Cult(ure) of Macworld will provide an overview of the conference and expo on Monday, January 21.

PREVIOUS ARTICLES IN THIS SERIES

1. Leading up to the Conference and Expo
2. San Francisco and the Moscone Center

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